"Positive Feedback"

From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

Some people identify themselves with their faults, weaknesses, and limitations. This weakens and limits them. Others identify themselves with their virtues, skills, and positive qualities. This strengthens those people and brings out their best.

Identify yourself with your strengths and virtues. This will help you help others do the same.

"What are your main strengths and virtues?" you can ask. Some will feel comfortable telling them to you. Others won’t. Some out of modesty. Others because they haven’t as yet identified themselves with their strengths. When they do, it will feel so natural to them that they will readily mention it to others. It’s not boasting but a statement of fact similar to one’s height or color of eyes.

Keep offering positive feedback whenever you can. The less a person identifies with his strengths, the more important it is for you to strengthen his identification with them.

Positive feedback is different than general praise. It is when you notice skill, talent, and excellence and comment:

"That was very good."

"I see that you are highly skilled at this."

"Well-done."

"This job was done with precision."

"You do this excellently."

"I admire your proficiency."

"You are a true expert."

One of my students told me this story:

My parents criticized me, and rarely gave me positive feedback. I grew up feeling that I had many more faults than strengths. What changed my view of myself was a series of meetings I had with an empowering teacher. He pointed out strengths that I only barely realized that I possessed.

"You are your strengths," he told me.

"But I hardly ever apply them," I argued.

"If you would apply them all the time I wouldn’t have to reinforce your awareness of them," he smiled. "What really stops you from identifying yourself with your strengths?" he challenged me.

I thought for a moment and admitted, "The true answer is simply because I’m just not used to seeing myself that way."

"Experiment for an entire week," he suggested. "This week consider yourself a person who has these strengths. See the difference this makes."

I tried this for the week. It helped me so much that I kept it up. This was the single most empowering advice I had ever heard and it has made a major difference in my life.

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